[The past couple of weeks I’ve been writing a lot, my notebook is stuffed with ideas and unfinished paragraphs and I can’t wait to write it all up! With all this in mind, I decided to make-over my blog and start afresh so here it is!]
Weird things have been happening in my mind. I’m mid-way through my degree. During university you’re preoccupied with studies and deadlines. You finish university for the year and the walls come down and the thoughts and stresses come seeping in.
I always see my year academically, so during the dark cold months you’re slaving away at uni and the summer is what you work towards. So this year we had two close family weddings in the summer during and after my exams.
Lately I’ve been having real body image issues well I suppose I have been for most of my childhood and my teen years. I’ve always been the heavy ’chubby’ one. The weddings brought these depressing thoughts to the forefront of my mind. The families involved with the wedding have plenty of slim, pretty girls. My insecurities and lack of self-worth came flooding in like crazy. It hit me when I realised I have issues with actually looking into the mirror. Subconsciously I knew these thoughts were there just never pondered on them much.
For as far as I can remember family have been pestering me about my weight. They probably don’t realise but recently it’s become more of a depressing issue for me. I suppose even if they knew they wouldn’t really understand. I’m not the type of person that is vain or self-indulgent (my friends will back me up on this) so all this thinking has actually been driving me crazy and guilty, as there’s far more important things in the world than my insecurity issues.
Following this I learnt a lot. During the weddings I Learnt to take chances and have conversations with new and old people, be more open and make the effort to get to know distant relatives (the ones you only meet once in a blue moon)
Each day I’m learning to be more confident and comfortable within my own skin. Working it out one day at a time but until I get there, I’m on middle ground. It’s never good to be carrying around mental weight. You need to smile and laugh once in a while and know its okay to have a good time now and again.
I’m grateful to Allah swt for granting me good health, family, love and guidance. Alhumdililah I have so much to be grateful for, how could I forget. Ramadan is here and I have all I need and more. I’m going to take the time to pray and raise the spiritual aspects of my life.
I have discovered comfort, support and guidance from the most unexpected places. People wise beyond their years! thank you to you guys (you know who you are) it means a lot to me.
I shall remember you all in my duas X